Re: Fetish


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Posted by bootpup (other posts) on November 06, 2017 at 17:07:05:

In Reply to: Fetish posted by YoungBootboy on November 06, 2017 at 01:17:22:

Wow. I am absolutely gobsmacked. I think had I been there with you in person as you told this story, I would have been utterly speechless for a moment or two. I appreciate all the effort that went into sharing this experience (I read the whole thing thoroughly), and despite all your detail, several questions still remain: What is your line of work? What kind of agent/investigator would need to carry or flash a badge for an employment background check? What position/which agency would require such an invasive intrusion into your private life? Unless you are some high-ranking CIA operative, I just can't imagine the necessity for such a horrendous intrusion. As it has with others, the whole experience makes me question the legality of the process, or at least the process through which your case was handled. Any civil case has been put to rest since you have concluded with a monetary settlement, and pursuing any criminal charges may not be in your best interest right now since you have bigger challenges to overcome in the immediate future.

After I read this post, I went back and read your original post, asking whether a fetish or kink has ever ruined somebody else's life. I can honestly say that I have never experienced anything like what you have described here. This is unique. I would imagine there are several ways of thinking with which you can approach this. I would like to think that a healthy mindset with which to approach this would look something like this: I cannot control the physical makeup of my DNA. My DNA is unique to me, and it dictates the majority of my physical attributes. I am caucasian. I cannot control that. I have brown hair (getting grayer), blue-green eyes and I'm 5' 8" tall. I cannot control that. Dye, colored contacts and platform heels or lifts might assist me in altering the appearance of those traits and allow me to put on a different outwardly appearance from the ones that are underneath. But that is nothing more than window dressing. It doesn't change the fact that my REAL hair is brown, my REAL eyes are blue-green and I am REALLY 5' 8" tall. I cannot control that. The same goes for my emotional/mental/spiritual makeup, as well. For whatever reason and no matter what my belief system, whether it is God or The Fates or some other source of scientific or divine intervention, I have been hardwired a certain way. My interests, my basic desires and attractions, are all integrated into my "being", my very existence. I cannot control that. I am attracted to men. I cannot control that, it is a part of my sexual orientation. Moving even further beyond that, I can say without hesitation that I am strongly attracted to boots, and most especially men wearing boots. If we want to use a label for it, I suppose that's where we'd say we're talking "fetish" or "kink". Either way, it is a part of my makeup. I cannot control it. I CAN control the extent to which I decide to share it with others. I CAN control the level or degree to which I decide to explore it, engage it, express it, and make it a part of my life. And those are MY decisions to make, nobody else's. But I cannot control the fact it exists as a part of my being. I don't know why it's there. It just is. As I stated previously, your situation is unique. You have asked the question of whether a fetish or kink has ruined somebody else's life. I understand this line of questioning. Misery loves company. It's always nice to know, when facing a problem or challenge, that you are not alone. But perhaps it's best in this situation to turn the spotlight back on you, and ask you the question, "Do you think your fetishes have ruined your life?" I think the healthiest way to answer this question is to closely examine the events that took place here, and then answer "No." Maybe, just maybe, it was an overly restrictive and conservative culture in this field of work that ultimately ruined this job opportunity. Maybe, just maybe, it was the structure of a closed-minded, puritanical and judgmental society that pushed family and friends away. I am sorry that these things have happened to you. But you are who you are. It's not always about your decisions that you have made. Sometimes it is about the decisions that others around you have made. That supervisor or investigator decided you did not pass the background check. That is THEIR decision, and you cannot control that. If family and friends have distanced themselves from you, that is THEIR decision, and you cannot control that. It's not always fair. It's not always just. But now is the time to focus on what you CAN control. Did your fetishes ruin your life? Only if you let them. Only if you decide to place the blame squarely on yourself and just give up and not move forward, only then will your fetishes have ruined your life.

Having said all that... everything above is a moot point. What's done is done. The past is in the past. Now, we need to get you moving forward. The good news is that this is something you CAN control! It might be challenging, and it might call for enduring some hardships on the road ahead, and most certainly for some soul-searching questions that may lead to major changes in your work and personal life. And it's never a bad thing to admit that you need help with that. You mentioned a union affiliation in your post. Have you reached out to your union? Mine was a godsend when I suffered a major injury on the job several years back. I didn't have to call them... they called me the very next morning! And this was after the injury took place around 8:30 the previous evening! Anyway, my point is that most unions, if not equipped for it themselves, have strong affiliations with foundations and organizations that have the resources and the guidance to help you, whether it be financially, or perhaps with housing or job-hunting. If you haven't done so already, reach out to them and see how they can help.

I wish you the very best, Tyler. I am truly sorry that you are facing so much adversity at this time in your life. I hope that you are able to find the assistance you are looking for, and that circumstances will be turning around for the better very soon! Keep us posted.

Robert




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