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Posted by YoungBootboy (other posts) on November 06, 2017 at 01:17:22:

**Typed on my phone, please expect some typos, autocorrects, etc. I haven't went back through it & want to post before bed. I'll try to respond to individuals below & those who emailed, but it might be a few days**

I need to apologize. I had been  wanting to post for a few weeks but time just sort of slipped right by. If I had taken just a little more time to word things a bit differently, I could have solved part of the confusion people have had. Before going into my story, I was hoping to hear about things that others have gone through which I felt might be skipped over if I made my story the focus straight from the start. 

First, I want to assure all of you that I do get treatment. In fact, I have been for many, many years. As I said in my first post I have struggled for a long time. The difference is that prior to the situation that occured, it was at least somewhat manageable (although I mostly have the union and FMLA to thank for that), missing around 2-3 days a month. I absolutely understand the situation from the employer's side of things, so I just tried to keep my head down and put up with the random issues now & then with management. I was kind of just biding my time & trying to get through the days. I wasn't even 30 but I was counting down until retirement. 

One thing that was really nice was that there was a lot more weight given to seniority compared to the private sector. I could also promote into an agency other than the one I was currently working for & all of my raises, seniority, etc moved right along with me. Desperately needing a fresh start, I applied for nearly anything I qualified for. 

Eventually my persistence paid off. Not only was I glad to be moving to a different agency, but it was also a field that I felt would be a perfect fit & offer a very clear path for future advancements. To say I was stoked would be a bit of an understatement. There was one caveat though, the job offer was dependent on my successful completion of a background check. They said it might feel intrusive but assured me that each & every person had to go through the exact same check. Since 

I had 7+ years under my belt with no disciplinary action or bad reviews, I thought nothing of it. 

A couple weeks later I had my normal therapy appointment after work on Friday. When I got to my garage at my condo I decided that I didn't feel like cooking so I sat in my car & tried to find someone to meet for dinner, thinking I wouldn't even go inside if someone wanted to meet. I had no such luck. 

I exited my car & went to the front lobby to check my mail. As I got my key to get back into the building a gentleman walked in & simply said "hello, Tyler". Now I'll confess, I never tried to get to know neighbors in my building as the last thing I wanted was conflict that turns into awkwardness, people up in my business, etc. However, just like in high school it always seems like people know my name even if I can't remember ever seeing their face - so I simply assumed it was a neighbor. He followed me in, went up the stairs behind me, and then eventually whipped out his badge, letting me know he came to start my background check. 

Now keep in mind, I was DESPERATE at that point to get out of my agency. He came into my condo & explained how the process would work. One of the first things he said came in the form of a threat. He said that there were parts and questions that may nake me feel uncomfortable, but I had no choice but to answer each question. He said that he had many ways to be sure that I didn't withhold information, and said he would disqualify me if I withheld or even flat out refused to answer a question. It didn't sit well with me to receive such a threat in my own home, but I had no reason to believe that it wasn't all standard procedure, and I needed it bad rnough to want to cooperate.

I was told to hand over my wallet, cell phone, and laptop. He read through my text messages, email, viewed all pictures, wrote down credit card numbers & contact info for people listed in my phone. He went through my facebook & had a list of things he wanted me to delete regardless of my privacy settings. He also looked through my flickr account & wrote down the apps I have on my phone.

We moved on to the next part which had to do with the kinds of sites I view online. He needed me to list off all of the websites (specifically saying that I needed to include adult & pornographic sites) I visit & made a point to remind me what would happen if I left anything out. 

As you can probably imagine, my list had a few sites catering to specific kinks. I panicked, but had no idea what to do. As I tried to wrap my head around what I was about to share, my stomach was in knots. While I had actively participated in many kinks, I thought to myself that I hadn't even talked to my therapist about them as I considered that part of my life to be fairly discrete. 

To put it mildly, I was very uncomfortable. I needed the job & feared the power he had to take it away from me. I gave him a list which included hotboots, kramtoad (a now defunct ballbusting site), recon and manhunt (which he wanted my screen names for), etc. andhe told me he would look at all of them later thar night. 

There were a few other smaller things that seemed odd, but I truly didn't see a way that I wouldn't pass a background check so I just tried to cooperate. One was in regards to magnetic poetry on my refrigerator which is homoerotic in nature as I own the:"dirty" set. He needed names of who put together each string of words. He wanted contact info about an ex that I had 8-9 years prior & asked if he liked similar sexual activities. 

Finally, we came to the end and he started packing up his stuff. As you can imagine, I was glad it was over & wanted him gone as soon as possible. As he was about to walk out, he turned around & asked one more question. He wanted to know why I sat in my car in the garage for so long when I got home. I told him & kind of laughed (think nervous laughter). He asked what was funny & I told him that now I was wondering at what point he had started watching me. Was it when I left work, was he lurking in the parking lot where I have therapy, etc. His response was that it wasn't information that he could give me & then he followed that by telling me that they could have put GPS on my car. 

I had never been so confused, uncomfortable in my own home, paranoid (did he bug my condo, my phone, etc). I was still up around 4am and just couldn't shake it. I sent an email to the supervisor who gave me the job offer & asked to meet on Monday because I had some concerns. 

I had the meeting and she once again insisted that everyone goes through the same background check. She seemed unconcerned with most of it but had no idea why he talked about putting GPS on my car. 

Now, something that was in my favor a bit was that a coworker from my current job had just started with the agency about 2 weeks prior to my job offer. We were friends but I was a little irritated that she hadn't warned me of how ridiculous things were. It made sense though because she was kind of like that & never worried about anyone but herself. 

We emailed off & on and she eventually wrote to ask if they had started the background check. Feeling a bit betrayed, I was a little passive aggressive & thanked her for not telling me that he was just going to show up out of the blue. She responded a couple minutes later & said her's was scheduled. 

Keep in mind (and judge if you must) that we were emailing back & forth from our work email so her's was coming from the agency that I was transferring to. I sent back a handul of things that I'd been uncomfortable with because I was still trying to wrap my head around what had happened. Didn't take more than a few minutes to hear back from her & find out that none of the things I mentioned were done during her check. 

A couple weeks later the investigator sent an email to schedule a follow-up so he could get the rest of what he needed. He had me come to his office that time. It was attitude was a complete 180 degrees from the first time. He assured me that I could leave at anytime if I was uncomfortable & could pass if I wasn't comfortable answering something. 

Since I had already revealed most of what he started asking about, I didn't shy away from answering them. I wasn't saying anything that he didn't already know so I figured that there wasn't a reason to pass. At one point he wanted me to log on to recon so he could view my profile and then asked me to list my sexual interests as if I was writing an ad to find someone who likes the same things. That included specifics about boots, ballbusting, and then some of the less important kinks. He then wanted to know how successful I am in finding people with similar interests & whether it actually happens vs just talking about it online. 

I should probably mention that after the first meeting I started to go downhill. I felt naked and as if he had taken a piece of me that I wasn't wanting to give. Days off piled up.which caused bigger problems at the job I hoped to be leaving & most was unpaid due  to exhausting my PTO which caused financial problems.  My home didn't feel quite as safe & I became more protective of it, not wanting anyone else to come in & cause any more damage to the remaining comfort of being here. I was facing all kinds of emotions & felt vulnerable with the info the employer had. I continuously felt the need to look around wondering if I was being followed. 

Eventually I received a phone call from my future boss. She informed me that I was unable to pass the background check but wouldn't tell me why. 

I decided after they took away the job offer that I should contact an attorney because things just didn't seem right. With the proof I had from my friend in their office, I figured someone would surely at least give me an idea of what my ootions were. I lost thousands of dollars as I struggled to get to work. At one point I called in for 2 weeks in a row because I couldn't bring myself to leave home. I kind of just had to push my privacy aside because I quickly found that the first couple lawfirms I contracted wanted nothing to do with it. I started sending it to every firm in town (and some out of town) to try & find someone because I just couldn't believe that what happened wasn't a problem. 

So here I was, emailing the details out to random strangers, hoping someone would take it. Unfortunately, none of them seemed even slightly interested. A few that sent a personal note back rather than a form letter explained that my case was a bit problematic. While acceptance for being gay had improved, they worried that a jury wouldn't be able to wrap their head around details of my desire to get kicked in the balls & submit to a dom for boot related activities. Another concern was that the jury may take issue with knowing that their own tax dollars would be paying anything that they awarded me. With the type of case I had, it would likely be a contingency case & they decided that it wasn't worth the risk while also knowing that there were

All of the rejection letters only made me feel worse because I began to feel like there were very few ways to defend myself. I was curious (and scared) if others had went through similar situations & just couldn't let it go. I felt that allowing them to get away with what happened wasn't an option. 

I did some research about what could be done and found information. As I was claiming that discrimination played abig part, there are several levels you have to go through with state agencies that deal with rgings such as the equal opportunity laws. So while hanging on by a thread, I was working for the state, filing my complaint about the state, with the state. It was hard to separate it all & I still continued missing a ton of work. I knew that it would be easier to sweep it under a rug & put it behind me, but all I could think about was the investigator continuing the same behavior with other & knew I had to see it through. 

I'll try to wrap this up as I'm sure you've all read more than you wanted to. 

Eventually, I was successful with getting what they call a right to sue letter. To get it, the agency your complaint was filed with does a little digging. They interview both parties & eventually decide whether they see enough evidence to believe that it could actually be discrimination. They had been given a list of around 8 reasons that I couldn't get through the background check, some of which were debunked based on other evidence that they submitted! The others were just as ridiculous & easy to show why they didn't add up. 

At the point of getting the right to sue letter, I contacted the 1 attorney that said he was kind of on the fence. Since the grunt w

Ork had already been done he decided he would file the lawsuit for me. Going the process was never easy & ensured that I couldn't just shake it off & move on. Due to the amount of work I continued to miss after exhausting the FMLA protection my job was in danger. It kept getting worse & 

I eventually left my position after over 10 years of service. 

I was still waiting for my trial aver 3 years from it happening. My doctors didn't think I should go through a trial because of how bad things had been. I personally wasn't against the trial, but my attorney warned me that I needed to expect that I would have to go through a 2-3 year appeal process after receiving a favorable decision. Since they have in house attorneys, fighting in court was only utilizing people they were already paying. 

My home had been on the path to foreclosure as I couldn't force myself to try a different job. The experience I went through, the constant waiting if you choose to defend yourself and a couple other problems I'd had with other employers all made the idea of putting myself back out there terrified me & was talked about with my therapist who said it could be PTSD. 

I ended up being offered a small settlement which my attorney & doctors said I should take. It wasn't even close to the amount I had lost in missed work which lead to my position being in jeopardy which had never been the case before, 3+ years of fighting through the legal process and hoping to cause them to revamp the process & make it known that what happened was not acceptable. Sharing the details with friends that didn't know why I was struggling so much, and eventually shared details with my parents because they wouldn't stop criticizing the way I couldn't cope. I had absolutely no interest in prolonging the situation for 2-3 more years while going through an appeal, so I took what they offered & walked away. Most of the money went straight to my condo to catch things up & it was completely gone. 

That is kind of where the story, at least that part of it, ends. I ended up hospitalized for an overdose and to this day have no idea how I survived - I wasn't found for about 18 hours and I took more than enough to get the job done. I returned home & swallowed my pride and filed for disability as I still have a hard time leaving home a lot of days. As most of you have probably heard, the process is tedious. Regardless of submissions from my team of doctors I have seen for a couple years (with releases signed for about 16 years of history) the judge ruled against me. Now I'm back to the beginning with only about a month left as they finish the foreclosure. 

With all of this said, I'm prepared to hear from critics. For a lot of people, it probably wouldn't have been a huge deal as they go about their day & shrug it off. What happened took the issues I already had & piled more layers on top. Things like knowing the state I grew up in has a folder that lists my sexual desires...none of which are illegal. It's different than those who like things that aren't legal which you could expect such a record. It's done damage to so many friendships, family, etc who feel it's as easy as faking a smile. Now I'm down to the last few weeks & I don't forsee a miracle coming my way. My parents won't respond as I beg for help & try to explain why I need their help before it's too late. As time ticks by, my therapist is just as scared as I am about what feels like an impossible situation that's coming my way. Losing the one place I feel safe. The shame I feel as so many have distanced themselves from me. My feathered children that filled one of the voids I had a hard time with when I realized I was gay, one of which came into my life in 5th grade. I don't see a way to forgive myself for having to send them away. 

There is a lot going on. I apologize for those who won't understand, but with this last little stretch before what's headed my way, I decided to share in a far more public way than I have before. Was it specifically boots or the kinks that ruined my life? No, that was the investigator on a power trip. Would things have turned out differently if I was straight, vanilla, etc? I'll never know, though I have a hunch that it would. 

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